Touchy subject for some, I know. But I've been meaning to do this for a while.
I could never commit suicide.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I'm not. I don't want to die, but I don't fear death.
The reason is that, even though I may feel worthless and disgusted with myself when I'm down, I know that people I love would be hurt if I were to off myself. And I don't mean to sound pretentious. I trust my friends and family, and they have told me that they would miss me numerous times. I'll take them at their word.
Knowing that, there is no way I could cause them pain like that, for my own sake. Because, really, suicide is selfish. (Not attacking anyone, this is just my opinion.) It's selfish, because it serves only your own wishes. You don't want to live anymore, so you kill yourself. But you leave behind people who are devastated and confused. You leave behind people who will miss you terribly. So in return for your escape (which doesn't do you any good at all in the long run anyway), you cause pain to those you love, and who love you. In a twisted way, you're only thinking of yourself.
Even if I felt completely hopeless, alone, and lost, I wouldn't. Because there are people who I love enough to die for. It's true. And if I love them enough to die for them, it kind of follows that I love them enough to live for them, doesn't it?
So yeah.
Monday, January 26, 2009
On the Westboro Baptist Church
Before I do the other post I was going to do originally, I need to just go ahead and get this out of my system.
Ahem. You may insert the cuss-wall-o-text that is going through my mind right now. I won't actually type it, because the fxxing bigots don't even deserve that much effort from me.
GAH.
I can't even... gah.
It doesn't even make any sense! I'm torn between utter fury and disbelief. Good God. OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH I SAID GOD'S NAME IN VAIN. Oops, I did it again.
Good grief.
Ahem. You may insert the cuss-wall-o-text that is going through my mind right now. I won't actually type it, because the fxxing bigots don't even deserve that much effort from me.
GAH.
I can't even... gah.
It doesn't even make any sense! I'm torn between utter fury and disbelief. Good God. OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH I SAID GOD'S NAME IN VAIN. Oops, I did it again.
Good grief.
No Day But Today
Hmph. There will definitely be at least three more posts (including this one) tonight, because I've got my thoughts all lined up and now I found this thing that's PISSING ME OFF. But that can wait.
This post has to do with my take on the message in RENT.
As anyone who is remotely familiar with the show knows, its tagline is "No day but today". Taken literally, one could think that this means you shouldn't plan for the future. That you can just go ahead and spend all your money, or drink till you see double-- it could be your last day, so why not? Looked at this way, the message doesn't seem very good at all.
However, the true meaning of the phrase is completely different.
"No day but today" means that you should not let your past haunt you. Make mistakes, learn from them, and remember that new knowledge. But don't dwell on could haves, should haves, what ifs, and such. The past can't be changed, and dwelling on it never helped anyone. Instead, look to the now, and look to the future. It is well within your grasp to change those.
"No day but today" means to go ahead and take that leap. When an opportunity presents itself, don't just sit back and think oh, I'll do it another day. Now. Do it now. Because you might not have another day.
"No day but today" means to live, really live; don't just analyze your life, but live it. Pay attention to what's going on right now. It's important.
That's it on that subject for now.
This post has to do with my take on the message in RENT.
As anyone who is remotely familiar with the show knows, its tagline is "No day but today". Taken literally, one could think that this means you shouldn't plan for the future. That you can just go ahead and spend all your money, or drink till you see double-- it could be your last day, so why not? Looked at this way, the message doesn't seem very good at all.
However, the true meaning of the phrase is completely different.
"No day but today" means that you should not let your past haunt you. Make mistakes, learn from them, and remember that new knowledge. But don't dwell on could haves, should haves, what ifs, and such. The past can't be changed, and dwelling on it never helped anyone. Instead, look to the now, and look to the future. It is well within your grasp to change those.
"No day but today" means to go ahead and take that leap. When an opportunity presents itself, don't just sit back and think oh, I'll do it another day. Now. Do it now. Because you might not have another day.
"No day but today" means to live, really live; don't just analyze your life, but live it. Pay attention to what's going on right now. It's important.
That's it on that subject for now.
So. RENT.
Ell oh ell. I totally forgot about this thing for a while. I knew that would happen. But now I'm back and ready/rarin' to go.
So. RENT. As if anyone reading this wouldn't know how much I love it. But I just really want to rant about why, and (in the next post) about what I believe the show's message means.
Let's flashback to summer of 07. 14-year-old me is freaking out, majorly, because there must be something wrong with me. I mean... I can't like girls, can I? That's...
Despite talks with a very close friend of mine (who is, in all likelihood, never going to read this), I couldn't come to terms with the idea of my even being bisexual. Surely someone like me could never be happy, never be close enough with my friends that they would find out this terrible secret. I devoted a couple of pages in my half-assed journal (hmm, something like this blog?) to wondering how people would treat me differently, whether they would shun me.
Unlike some, I didn't instantly fall in love the instant I saw RENT. It confused me, enthralled me, intrigued me. But at first I didn't understand why. I mean, the music was great and catchy and the movie was well done, the characters well-developed and all, but why did it slowly become more and more important to me?
It took me a good long while to figure it out. But when I did, it made perfect sense.
RENT showed a confused, scared me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. That I was not the only one who was attracted to those of the same sex. That I could be perfectly happy, and have great friends, a great life, without having to worry about pretending to be someone I'm not. That is what RENT did for me. And that is why I love it.
But as I continued through my violent-obsession-phase, I discovered more and more of what RENT really meant, at least to me, and what messages Jonathan Larson, genius that he was, had embedded in his great work.
RENT is about life. It's about love. It's about loss. It's about winning, losing, hanging on to a dream. It's about friendship, trust. It's about how one day, one moment even, can change your life forever in ways you never dreamed of. It's about living with no regrets, and never letting a chance pass you by. It's about joy, fear, fury, grief. It's about what's truly important in life.
RENT has absolutely, irrevocably changed me, and I firmly believe that it was for the better. Under all the spazzing and giggling about various cast members and buying everything I can get my hands on with the RENT logo on it, I have a deep and abiding love for what Jonathan has created.
"It's time now to sing out
'Cause the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year
In the life of friends."
Despite the rampant overuse of this phrase, I can't help but close this post with a heartfelt thank you, Jonathan Larson.
So. RENT. As if anyone reading this wouldn't know how much I love it. But I just really want to rant about why, and (in the next post) about what I believe the show's message means.
Let's flashback to summer of 07. 14-year-old me is freaking out, majorly, because there must be something wrong with me. I mean... I can't like girls, can I? That's...
Despite talks with a very close friend of mine (who is, in all likelihood, never going to read this), I couldn't come to terms with the idea of my even being bisexual. Surely someone like me could never be happy, never be close enough with my friends that they would find out this terrible secret. I devoted a couple of pages in my half-assed journal (hmm, something like this blog?) to wondering how people would treat me differently, whether they would shun me.
Unlike some, I didn't instantly fall in love the instant I saw RENT. It confused me, enthralled me, intrigued me. But at first I didn't understand why. I mean, the music was great and catchy and the movie was well done, the characters well-developed and all, but why did it slowly become more and more important to me?
It took me a good long while to figure it out. But when I did, it made perfect sense.
RENT showed a confused, scared me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. That I was not the only one who was attracted to those of the same sex. That I could be perfectly happy, and have great friends, a great life, without having to worry about pretending to be someone I'm not. That is what RENT did for me. And that is why I love it.
But as I continued through my violent-obsession-phase, I discovered more and more of what RENT really meant, at least to me, and what messages Jonathan Larson, genius that he was, had embedded in his great work.
RENT is about life. It's about love. It's about loss. It's about winning, losing, hanging on to a dream. It's about friendship, trust. It's about how one day, one moment even, can change your life forever in ways you never dreamed of. It's about living with no regrets, and never letting a chance pass you by. It's about joy, fear, fury, grief. It's about what's truly important in life.
RENT has absolutely, irrevocably changed me, and I firmly believe that it was for the better. Under all the spazzing and giggling about various cast members and buying everything I can get my hands on with the RENT logo on it, I have a deep and abiding love for what Jonathan has created.
"It's time now to sing out
'Cause the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year
In the life of friends."
Despite the rampant overuse of this phrase, I can't help but close this post with a heartfelt thank you, Jonathan Larson.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
So. Guitar Hero.
Specifically, World Tour and Legends of Rock.
It's awesome. It is. I just spent like an hour playing with my brothers and my little brother's friend, and it was awesome. It seems like a kind of stupid idea for a game, but it's insanely fun.
Songs I like and what I like to play them on:
It's awesome. It is. I just spent like an hour playing with my brothers and my little brother's friend, and it was awesome. It seems like a kind of stupid idea for a game, but it's insanely fun.
Songs I like and what I like to play them on:
- Living on a Prayer (Bon Jovi)- drums
- Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)- guitar, singing
- Hotel California (The Eagles)- singing, guitar
- Misery Business (Paramore) - singing, drums
- Heartbreaker (Pat Benatar) - singing
- Rebel Yell (Billy Idol) - singing
Friday, January 2, 2009
Regarding Proposition 8
Mmkay. Was watching this video on Youtube and had the urge to say something "to" the supporters of Proposition 8. I put "to" in quotes because none of them will read this. But it makes me feel better.
Starting below, this is directed purely at those who voted yes on Proposition 8. Ahem.
I just have one question for all of you bigots. Who the hell do you think you are? Who gave you the right to impose your views on the rest of California? Who gave you the right to deny gay and lesbian couples their rights? Who gave you the goddamn right to make LGBT people into second class citizens?
We've done nothing to you. Allowing gay marriage would do nothing to you. No one is asking you to marry someone of the same gender. So you think it's a sin to love someone who is of the same gender: bully for you. That doesn't give you the right to tell the rest of us how to live our lives. If you think it's so bad, stand back and tut all you like, but don't tell me I can't marry the one I love. Don't tell me how to live. It's my life; I'll live it however I damn well please, and that includes, if I so choose, marrying that one special person, regardless of what gender they may be!
Jon Stewart had it right. By telling us we cannot marry, you are forcing us to make our case, to prove that we deserve the same rights as everyone else. Whatever happened to equality? Whatever happened to those basic rights that every human deserves? I suppose next you're going to start preaching that we aren't human; it wouldn't surprise me. You've been so unreasonable up until now, I suppose I should be ready for anything.
But in the end, you know, it won't matter. With every generation, your close-minded influence grows weaker and weaker. It's natural progression. Simply by being right, we've already won the fight. It's only a matter of time until you oppressive bigots fade into infamy, just like those who supported slavery. The only variable now is just how long it will take for the world to wake up and take notice.
So enjoy it while you can, because it won't last forever. Enjoy this brief period of time where you have triumphed over the 'sinners'. Because we aren't going to take it lying down. We will get our (dare I say it?) god-given rights, whether you like it or not.
That's all I have to say about that.
Starting below, this is directed purely at those who voted yes on Proposition 8. Ahem.
I just have one question for all of you bigots. Who the hell do you think you are? Who gave you the right to impose your views on the rest of California? Who gave you the right to deny gay and lesbian couples their rights? Who gave you the goddamn right to make LGBT people into second class citizens?
We've done nothing to you. Allowing gay marriage would do nothing to you. No one is asking you to marry someone of the same gender. So you think it's a sin to love someone who is of the same gender: bully for you. That doesn't give you the right to tell the rest of us how to live our lives. If you think it's so bad, stand back and tut all you like, but don't tell me I can't marry the one I love. Don't tell me how to live. It's my life; I'll live it however I damn well please, and that includes, if I so choose, marrying that one special person, regardless of what gender they may be!
Jon Stewart had it right. By telling us we cannot marry, you are forcing us to make our case, to prove that we deserve the same rights as everyone else. Whatever happened to equality? Whatever happened to those basic rights that every human deserves? I suppose next you're going to start preaching that we aren't human; it wouldn't surprise me. You've been so unreasonable up until now, I suppose I should be ready for anything.
But in the end, you know, it won't matter. With every generation, your close-minded influence grows weaker and weaker. It's natural progression. Simply by being right, we've already won the fight. It's only a matter of time until you oppressive bigots fade into infamy, just like those who supported slavery. The only variable now is just how long it will take for the world to wake up and take notice.
So enjoy it while you can, because it won't last forever. Enjoy this brief period of time where you have triumphed over the 'sinners'. Because we aren't going to take it lying down. We will get our (dare I say it?) god-given rights, whether you like it or not.
That's all I have to say about that.
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